With the Macworld 2008 keynote only hours away, people are posting their predictions left and right about what Apple will release.  Even I've succumbed to it.

What's really the story is what Steve Jobs never says. As a Mac fan for years and as someone who ties his living to the success of the Mac, there are a bunch of things that I've always wanted Steve to say. Of course, these would make for the biggest dud of a keynote ever, but when it comes to the Mac, sometimes the most important stuff isn't about new gadgets and gizmos.

The New Apple: Saving Your Ass

"I'm happy to announce today that after years of hard research and development, work with some of the best software people, and millions of dollars, Apple has finally developed a revolutionary product. One that lowers the risks of running your business; saves you money; and really saves your ass when you need it most: Real backup software."

Everyone in the Mac business market knows that the state of Mac Backup software is pretty sorry. You've got Dantz Retrospect, the easy-to-use software which is on the chopping block at EMC. It's functional, but runs into limitations (1.5 million files... memory error!) and isn't being aggressively updated. Then you have Tolis Group's BRU, which could only have a worse interface if it were programmed in DOS. Time Machine is for everyone else.  But never, ever for business.

For heaven's sake, why can't anyone make good backup software for Mac servers that does disk to disk, disk to tape, multiple disk rotations, can handle a billion files, and can actually run quickly on a Mac?

Pencil It In: Workable Calendars for a Non-Mac World

"Just last year, I showed you a revolution in server software - Leopard Server.  And in it, I showed you the revolutionary iCal Server – bringing real calendar software to the Mac, like PC users have had since, oh, about 1998.  Today, I'm happy to announce the most important feature yet: being able to email your appointments to PC users from iCal server!"

OK, so when Apple created iCal server, which I called the Holy Grail in a previous article, they left out one key feature: being able to email users on platforms other than a Mac that you've invited them to a meeting.  Yes, you can right-click on an event and email it to anyone, but can't send them an invite to accept or reject.  Even iCal without Leopard Server can email an invite and manage whether or not users are going to come to your meeting, but they skipped over that in iCal server.

Here's hoping that Steve releases Leopard Server 10.5.2!

One More Thing...

"One More Thing... i've decided to say 'Screw AT&T and our recurring revenue model!'  An iPhone for everyone!  Unlockable with a click of this button that says 'unlock my SIM' - works on any GSM network in world.  Switch SIM cards.  Switch carriers.  I don't care and neither do my shareholders." 

Crowd: "OOOOOOOOOO! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  <applause>"

Ends with the Dropkick Murphys playing as the new "Hi, I'm a PC; Hi, I'm a Mac; Hi, I'm Linux" shows the Mac guy holding hands with a penguin. 

Well, I can still dream, can't I?